TjXRicky Chapter 6

Ricky's P.O.V:
I stared at him. Processing for a moment what he just said to me. Did he know? did Chris tell him? Was it Obviouse?
No...now im thinking about this mess all over again...Why why do I have to remember. can't I just forget it. leave it behind me.
I want it to go away. Like it never happend. Maybe then I wount doubt myself. Maybe then id be more confident in anything... If it would all go away...
But no...He brought it up again...
I look up at him. I don't know how to react, honestly. I guess my expression gave something away, since his face drooped, and held a guilty look.
I had to get out of here, I can't think here, nor handle them bugging me right now. Im still sore and i know it.
"I...I...uhm...im gonna go...outside for a sec..." I didn't know what else to say as I stood up. I walked out the door, looking back once. TJ looked alittle confused and angry on the inside in a way. And a bit troubled.
Oh well. He asked. It shouldn't be any of his concern in the first place.
"Hey Rick were ya...goin...?..." I heard Chris call from the couch and I walked past and outside.
Im assuming he noticed. I guess he could see right through me as well...saw that I was unsettled a bit.
I leaned against the bus. Arms crossed and hands tucked into my elbows. It was cold, and I failed grab a hoodie or anything. I don't care though. I Just needed to get out.
Damn, why do I let this happen. Why do I let myself get consumed in my issues. Why can't I let go? It was just a girl...A girl who lied to me from the start. All A lie.
Its not like I lost a good true relationship. I loved her, and wanted her so bad. And still do. But why live a lie? concern myself over her when she could care less.
I don't know if its such a great thing though...I lost my trust in things like that. I may as well distance myself from anyone. I can't read minds so how could i tell if they are lying about caring for me? What if im too blind to see it?
"Ricky?"
It was Chris.
He stepped out and stood next to me.
"Ricky...you alright? You dont look it..." He asked concerned clearly.
"Wha...uhm...yeah. im fine. im just...thinking things out alittle." I replied, shrugging.
"Well, it doesn't look to be helping. What made you think of her again? I know thats what this is about." He said. He knew me too well sometimes...
"well...yeah...Tj was wondering why I was..."down"...and he shot out "girlfriend problems"...it just made it al come flodding back to me again." I let out a long sigh, breathing out a white misty puff into the cold air.
"Oh, Ricky...damn it...I guess you dont really want anyone to know. So, if he asks just tell him to buzz off if he bothers you. Cause him bringing it up wount help much will it?" Chris said. Not in a harsh tone as if to put Tj down, but in a concerned manor.
"No...he didnt do any wrong by asking. I was being quiet I guess. Its just...I dont know. I dont know how to get it off my mind...I keep getting these thoughts...and I hate them. I hate them and hate thinking them. I can't get it out either..." I said, looking over at chris.
"You are the only person I ever tell anything. You are the only person I really trust at this point chris.." I added. It was true...I wasn't close to my band mates. I was newish, so why would I be?
Chris looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. Then spoke up.
"Maybe, if he asks, just casually tell him. Maybe telling him will get the worry of him wondering off your back, and you can stop thinking about it. Maybe you should tell someone else. Trust it. Maybe it would do you good to get another opinion on it, or to have another person listen." He said, slowly, and carefully.
I thought about it. It makes sence. Maybe id stop fretting so much over it. Its not like its a dirty secret or anything. And hell. He's Tj. He knows about girls and relationships id assume. Maybe he could even help me alittle.
"yeah...that actually makes sence...I might. Im not bringing it up thought. The less I think and or talk about it the better..."
"yeup! We have tour and we can all hang out and have fun right? Dont let those thoughts build up and ruin your fun Ricky. I know you love tour. Dont let a bad break up kill that." Chris said, patting me on the shoulder, and smiling.
"Yeah, ill try not to. I wont be moping all the time. Your 100% right on that one." I smiled slightly. "Thanks Chris, again. Thank you for always knowing how to help."
Chris did. He had this amazing talent for knowing when im troubled and what to say. I dont know how he does it but he does.
"Ricky...im your best friend. thats my job~" He chimed, laughing slightly.
"I guess so" I replied, smiling finally. He cheered me up. Always does.
"Yeup...well, hey, imma go back in, its fucking cold out here and I wanna go back in. You commin?" He asked, rubbing his arms trying to warm himself abit.
"Yeah, I probly should too." I replied.
Chris turned and walked back in quickly, I followed him in and closed the bus door behind me. He went in and sat down back onto the couch were he was before. I split off and headed back to the bunks again. When I went back Tj wasn't in there. I shrugged.
Its not like I was gonna walk up to him and spill out everything that happened to me. Nah, thats just whine, wierd, awkward, and alittle difficult to handle on his part.
I shook myself out of that train of thought and crawled into my bunk. I rolled over and layed on my back. Just as I got comfortable the bathroom door swung open and Tj walked out. I looked at him as he walked into the bunks and sat down on his. Then he looked up and noticed me. He blinked for a moment, startled to see me back again I assume. But then his expression changed. He looked like he had something to say, so I looked at him, waiting for him to say something.